Teaming Up
by Alverrann
Summary: The BLU team isn't good enough. The RED team is too good. What does the Administrator do to solve this problem? What's the only way to one up a team of skilled men? Just remember; "The female of the species is more deadly than the male"
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so I've played this game, but I never once imagined myself writing a fic for it. Wow. How weird is that?**

 **Anyway, here's my overall disclaimer; I don't own these characters, though I enjoy playing with them.**

 **I will warn you, I don't do swearing, so they might be a little out of character in that their language is cleaned up, but I promise I kept pretty much everything else the same.**

 **Well, ... almost everything else. I don't ship Scout's Ma/Spy, so in my version, that doesn't even exist, and the whole team is filled with decent men (other than the killing/mercenary factor). Their minds aren't constantly in the gutter, and so while I wouldn't read this to my 4 yr old, it's still a "safe" fic.**

 **Also, for this fic, Everyone is single. There are pretty much no relationships going on except for bromance (though that might change later).**

 **I tried to focus more on the character relations than the fighting, so hopefully, this will be all right. :) Please enjoy, and if you do, please review. ;)**

* * *

"EAT THAT CHUCKLENUTS!" Scout's jubilant voice could be heard all across the small western town that they had been ravaging for two weeks. Spy rolled his eyes at the young American's exuberance, slightly embarrassed, but really, so long as he did his job for the team, who was Spy to complain?

He quickly cloaked before he continued sneaking up on the BLU Sniper. The man was wearing a shield, and had a flighty look that had come from being stabbed in the back one too many times.

A quick distraction, and smooth slight of hand; ... there. Sniper was back in the respawn room where the whole BLU team belonged. Spy chuckled a little, uncloaking as he lit a victory cigarette, having no fear of the other team. The REDs had won for the last month, after having worked out a reliable system of teamwork.

The Administrator had hired them all, and explained to them quite bluntly that they would essentially be fighting themselves. Spy took a long drag as he thought, pondering the differences between what were supposed to be identical teams.

At first glance, the Administrator was right. They were exactly the same. But if one looked closer, the differences were obvious. Spy, along with everyone on the RED team, ... they were a team. They hadn't begun that way, ... but now, ... they were a team. Even though Spy still considered himself the best; ... the others were, ... tolerable. Even worthy of some respect. They must have seen him the same way, because they treated him just the same as they treated the rest of the team.

Almost like brothers, if Spy were prone to describing teams as families, but he wasn't.

With the BLUs, it hadn't happened the same way. It was apparent whenever they were together. Fighting. Arguing. Never really getting along. Something had happened in their team, and they had ended up as enemies. Not really a team. Perhaps one of them said something that their RED counterpart had only ever thought, or perhaps omitted something that their RED self _admitted._

Whatever the reason; they weren't a team. They were mercenaries, being paid to do a job. That was why, for the last month, the RED team had a winning streak. Specifically because their Medic and Heavy had gotten into a fight at some point, and were no longer working together on the battlefield.

A nearby sound of grunting and panting broke Spy out of his thoughts, and he cloaked once again, watching a barely alive BLU soldier crawl in, his bazooka barely held in his hands. Spy ended the man's misery with a well placed jab, and the man was done. Then he put out his cigarette, determined to get a few more kills before the round ended.

He stalked back out into the chaos, keeping close to the wall as he sought out their Sniper's new perch. A few moments of inspection, and he found it. It was a water tower, right out in the open, but just as perfect to shoot from as to get shot off of. BLU Sniper was desperate, and Spy smiled as he saw how to get up. Now; to get there.

He kept close to the shadows and the walls as he made his way across the town. He was almost there when he caught sight of his own teammate, Medic, backing away from a dead Heavy as he defended himself with his syringe gun. Spy wouldn't have bothered, since the German knew exactly how to fight, and was doing rather admirably. But then the Frenchman spotted a flicker behind him, and knew that Medic was about to kiss life goodbye from the sharp end of his counterpart's butterfly knife.

Spy cursed softly as he deviated from his path, now having little time left on his watch. He would have used his gun, but that would have made him an immediate target, and he was much farther into BLU territory than Medic was. He therefore ended up running towards Medic, and tackling the BLU spy, ending him simultaneously with the knife that he'd had ready from the beginning.

"Was sind-!" Medic fell back, and helped Spy to his feet as he became visible. "Mein Freund, you did not have to do zhat." He took out the BLU Scout with several shots as he said it, and Spy growled as he got up,

"He deserved eet."

"Ja, don't zhey all?"

"TASTE ME GRENADE, YA-" The BLU Demoman was coming up on them. Too fast for Medic to reload. Too fast for Spy to draw his gun. Both of them scrambled backwards, their sense of self preservation winning out over their sense of hopelessness. Yet the BLU wasn't able to finish the scentence, as he was blown backwards by a large missile.

"HA!" Soldier's voice erupted from behind them and he cackled with glee, "That's what you get for messin' with the RED, ya MAGGOT!" He brushed past them, still on the offensive, but his helmet turned for a moment; just enough for both of them to see him wink. Demoman, their Demoman, followed the borderline insane American past them as well, a gutteral war cry ripping from his throat.

Spy was shocked enough by the turn of events that he might have just stood there until an untimely death, had Medic not grabbed his arm and pulled him back to a safe area. Behind a large building, they both caught their breath, and Medic laughed softly, "It is sehr gut zhat ve have zhis team, no?" After saying such, he ran back to base, most likely to meet up with Heavy.

Spy dusted off his pant legs meticulously, not having forgotten his original target as he cloaked again, his watch mostly recharged. As he finished off the BLU Sniper a second time, and heard Scout's voice again, "CAN'T'CHA KEEP UP?!" He had to smile a little to himself. It really was good to have the team.

Very good.

* * *

"Well done; all of you." The Administrator's cold voice washed over the whole of the RED team as they sat in their meeting room, "Your recent victories have been more than exemplary, ..." She stopped circling the table, and leaned in behind Engineer, "I've almost become proud."

"Why 'ave you called us 'ere?" Spy saved the poor Texan with his question, and her cold eyes focused on him.

"To congratulate you." She stated it as though it were a challenge, her thin lips twisting into a thin line as she pulled away from Engineer, who was barely visibly relieved, "Isn't that enough reason?"

"It ne'er was befoor." Demoman spoke up brazenly, and Spy didn't envy him the look he was about to get.

"You're right." Administrator surprised them all, and her lip curled as she admitted it.

"Then why heve you called us all here?" Heavy repeated Spy's question, and was immediately speared by her black eyes.

"To warn you."

"Vharn us?" Medic butchered the word as he spoke up now, his glasses catching the light as he shifted, "Of vhat?"

"While you have all been fighting admirably for the past while, I think, "She paused, lighting a cigarette, "Almost without saying; that the BLU team has been pathetically under-standard for just as long." She took a long, deep breath, and then blew it out all over Scout, who attempted not to cough, "Far too long."

"Jus' what're you sayin'?" Engie asked it with a voice of seriousness that matched his face.

"Yeah-" Scout spoke, immediately getting glares from everyone in the whole room, "What _are_ you sayin'?"

"They are pathetic." Administrator smiled a little, finding joy in the other team's shortcomings, "And so I have disposed of them.

"DISPOSED OF THEM?!" Soldier and Scout were the only ones who had been under the no-talking rule, and now they had both officially broke it, "YOU THREW THEM AWAY?!"

"Yes." She smiled fully now, "They are no more."

"Mmph mmph?" Pyro leaned forward, seeming a little distressed. Spy agreed with the mumbling abomination though, and judging from the looks of the rest of the team, he wasn't alone.

"You killed 'em all?!" Sniper was the one who voiced what they all were thinking (except maybe Soldier, who was probably still picturing a big trash can).

"How else could I put in the new BLU team?" Administrator shrugged, continuing her pacing around the table, "They weren't good enough."

"New BLUs?!" Scout spoke again, and then gave a squeak when Medic poked him under the table.

"Yes." Administrator stopped by Demo this time, "I'm sure you'll find fighting them, ..." She took another long drag and blew it out on Spy, who merely glared, "much more stimulating."

"You can't jus' kill an 'ole team!" Sniper was agitated enough that he stood, but sat again when Engie gave him a hard look.

"I can." The monster that professed to be human stopped at the door, "And I will." She took another pull on her cigarette, and blew it at all of them as she left her final message, "Don't disappoint me."

Then she was gone.

"What a freak." Scout commented.

"She trashed the BLUs!" Soldier always seemed dumber and louder when women were in the room, and now his voice had lowered enough to be considered merely; loud.

"No Sol." Engie spoke gravely, "She killed 'em all."

"Zhis vas never in our contracts." Medic mused aloud, and Heavy shrugged,

"Perhaps it is only a threat."

"Non." Spy stood, hesitant to light his own cigarette with her exhaled smoke still lingering in the air, thus forcing him to relieve the tension in his muscles some other way, "She does not lie. Not about zhat sort of thing." He began to pace.

"Mmph mmmmph mmmmm." Pyro spoke emphatically and Sniper nodded,

"That Monster killed 9 people." He snapped, "Jus' like that."

"Aye, but what kin we do aboot i'?" Demo spoke sullenly.

"We gotta figure a way ta kill her!" Scout spoke emphatically, and was shushed by practically the whole team.

"Do not speak of such zhings." Spy glanced around the room, wishing he knew where all of the cameras were, "Not 'ere."

"Then when do we talk about 'em?" Engie asked, "Sniper's right. She's a monster, an' right now, she's almost proud-a us."

"Vhat are you saying?!" Medic took his own fearful look around the room, "She vill kill us if vhe do anything wrong! Vhe know zhat because she has proved it!"

"She can 'ear us, mate." Sniper growled, "Don' talk treason when she's got cameras all ovah the ploice!"

"Naw, she cain't hear us." Engie smiled a little, "Not in here. Not in our rooms."

"Vhat does little Mechanic mean?" Heavy asked. Spy suppressed the smile that came unbidden to his lips as Engie answered,

"I fixed 'er system. Righ' now, it reads that we're all jus' sittin' here, but there's no sound."

"Von't zhat be suspicious?" Medic asked.

"Aye, but she'll still never know what we said." Demo grinned, "An' if she asks aboot i', we kin say we donnae know wha' she's talkin' aboot."

"What, ya'mean tell 'er that we didn't do nothin' to her system?" Scout asked.

"Mmmph!" Pyro cheered.

"Perfect plan!" Soldier jumped up, cheering as well.

"We can only do eet once." Spy stopped the celebration, "Ozzerwise she will become truly suspicious."

"Aww man," Scout pouted as he sat down again, "I hate her."

"I fink we all do, mate." Sniper agreed as most everyone else nodded.

"Who do ya think th'other team is?" Scout asked.

"Vell, it is most likely just all of us again." Medic answered, "Perhaps zhey vill become better zhan before."

"We weel find out tomorrow." Spy shrugged.

"Porhaps dey will be bigger." Heavy mused, "Or smarter."

"WE CAN BEAT THEM!" Soldier crowed and Engie smiled,

"Sol's right. Whatever comes next, we can win."

"As a team." Demo put his hand out, and almost everyone slapped theirs on top. Spy finally shrugged, then put his on the very top,

"As a team."

* * *

 **All right. There's the first chapter. If you like it, I'll write more, ... if not ... I'll still probably write more, but it won't happen very quickly.**

 **Anyway, I enjoyed writing that, and have quickly realized that I'm going to have a problem.** **Could someone please tell me the names of the characters, since everything I've read says something different? I'd really like to know.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay ... so ... I know how this looks, believe me, and I honestly have no good excuse for leaving this unattended for so long. Unless being a natural flake is an excuse? ... ... ...**

 ***sigh***

 **I didn't think it would work either, but I had to try.**

 **Anyway, for what it's worth meine guten Freunde, I'm back. for how long? ... uncertain.**

 **So, I'm sure you've already skipped reading this crap, but thanks to those who have reviewed and waited, along with those who just waited, you're the ones that I'm writing this for. And my conscience. Man, I gotta finish something in my life, or soon I'll be dead, and I won't have done anything. That'd be really sad. That said, I'll shut up now.**

* * *

"Wake up, maggot!" Soldier's sandpaper voice tore Scout's dream in half, and he moaned accordingly,

"Shaddup."

"You have five seconds to change your tune son, before you find my boot in the most unimaginably painful area on your skinny, weak body! GET UP!"

Scout glanced wearily at his clock.

4:20 am.

Huh. That was weird. Typically he was screamed out of bed at 4:30. Soldier hardly ever changed routine, so when he did, there was always a reason.

"FOUR!" Scout finally honed in again on Soldier's counting as the solid man paused to remind him, "It will NOT be a good day for you if you do not get up NOW!"

Scout responded this time by throwing his pillow towards the figure looming at the foot of his bed, "Go botha someone else, Helmet!"

The pillow was subsequently caught in a meaty fist, while the other one tore off his blanket. Then Soldier was hitting him with it, "DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY, MAGGOT!"

"Ow, ouch!" Scout put his arms up to protect himself from the surprisingly painful blows, "What is your deal!? Dis is like, ten minutes earlier den usual, ya freak!"

"We are going up against an entirely new team of BLUs today, and _you **WILL**_ BE READY! NOW DROP AND PUSH, YOU FILTHY PIECE OF TRASH!"

So that was the reason. Usually Soldier had him work out after breakfast, but it looked like today he got to do extra.

"FASTER, MAGGOT!" Soldier's voice slapped his left eardrum,"My GRANDMA moves quicker than that!"

"Yeah, yeah, okay!" Scout could hear the water running in the bathroom as he dropped and began the workout. It was still Pyro's turn, and the freak was humming loudly.

He wondered faintly as he moved on to jumping jacks just what he'd done to deserve the two worst roommates. Just 'cause he was Offense?

"I HAVE SEEN DEAD MEN TRY HARDER THAN YOU!" Soldier was still shouting when Pyro's exited the bathroom at 4:30, the time Scout typically woke up, "AND THEY GOT FARTHER!"

"Hu huu mph mpha mphmuu." Pyro, his suit glistening suspiciously, exited the bathroom with a cheery wave, "Huu tphu!"

"Twenty minutes, maggot." Soldier said to Scout, poking him in the shoulder with a firm finger, "Then hurry out for breakfast, and don't be late!"

"Mu fphuu." Pyro waved happily again before leaving, and Soldier followed. Scout just went into the bathroom, quietly mimicking his dominating roommate as he brushed his teeth, looking at his tired reflection.

"Man, I hate Soldier." He said. It wasn't strictly true, since the man had saved his life before, and won more than a few rounds for the team, but at four in the morning? As Scout got in the shower, he spoke again, "I'm pretty sure dat da Offense are da only ones awake right now." And he was sure. Who the heck else got up at four?! "No one, dat's who." He muttered.

Every day, Soldier got him up and made him breakfast while he took a shower. Then he'd go and eat the breakfast that his roommate had made while Pyro filled out a coloring book nearby. Today wasn't even the worst wake up call he'd gotten. Sometimes Soldier would use the bugle to play reveille and make sure that everyone woke up. In fact, that might have been one of the reasons that the instrument had disappeared, 'cause Scout hadn't touched it. That definitely didn't stop the large American from waking him up before the sun every morning. It was awful. Everyone else had it easy.

Sniper would always come down to the kitchen at around 5:00, and make himself a simple breakfast. Heavy and Engineer always followed soon after at either 5:30 or 6:00, depending on the day.

Heavy would always eat a Sandvitch, while Engineer typically made bacon. After that, the Texan disappeared into his workshop and Heavy left to work out and clean his gun. Or something.

They would always go back to their room at 7:30 though, to fetch Demo. Scout couldn't help but be jealous of how long they let him sleep.

Sniper would always disappear during that in-between time as well, using it to do ... whatever he did. He always showed up when the 'gunshot' went off though. Scout figured it was some sort of alarm for the support team, because it came from their room at around 7:00 every morning, soon followed by Medic and Spy. Both of them always looked immaculate, so there was really no telling when they actually woke up.

Demo came down with Engie and Heavy by 8:00 every day, and he always looked horrible. His roomies would watch him carefully after that though, making certain that he didn't start drinking scotch again for at least a little while.

Scout finished his shower and pulled on his clothes angrily, annoyed at how unfairly the team was distributed. He got all the freaks, while the rest of them got to deal with intelligent human beings, with Demo being the exception, of course. Only because he was drunk, though.

So it was 4:50 when Scout got downstairs, and he made sure to do it right on time, since he wasn't in the mood to get choked.

"Hello Scout!" Soldier called loudly as he walked in, despite the fact that he wasn't very far away, "Your bowl is right next to Pyro!"

"Do I even wanna know what it is?" Scout looked reluctantly into his bowl at the greyish brown slop that was settled in it with a layer of liquid on top.

"Nutrients, son!" Soldier clapped him on the shoulder, hard enough that he had to grip his bowl tightly to keep it from flying away, "So you won't be so _weak_ and _girly_ anymore!

"I am not weak _or_ girly!" Scout muttered as Pyro hummed next to him.

"Ha! Put you in a dress and no one would even notice!"

"I'd like to see you-" Scout was cut off by Soldier as Sniper sauntered in,

"Hey there Biblo Bonbons! Find any rings lately?"

Sniper just grunted as he made himself a drink.

"Oh. My. Freakin'. Heck! Have you even read The flippin' Hobbit?!" Scout pushed away his bowl, "You say somethin' like dat to 'im every frickin' day!"

"Have _you_ read it?" Sniper asked as Soldier chuckled evilly, not deigning to respond.

"Don't need to. It's a dumb book. For little kids, and I am _not_ a kid."

"Kid or not, I made you breakfast, and you're going to EAT IT." Soldier's voice rose and he pushed the bowl back in front of Scout, who blanched.

"Dat is _not_ food."

"Luuuph umph uuuf huh druph!" Pyro chose that moment to hold up his picture that he'd just colored, excitedly displaying the messily finished article.

"It looks like a frickin' three year old did dat." Scout said immediately.

Sniper, as usual, said nothing. Soldier just smacked the Pyromaniac on the shoulder heartily, "Well done, son! Lots of red in there!"

"Huah!" Pyro clapped his hands as he cheered, then he turned the page excitedly to begin on the next one.

"Yeah ... lotsa ... red." Scout couldn't think of anything better to say to his roommate, but he never got the chance as Soldier turned back to him, fixing him with a glare that Scout could feel right through the helmet.

"Eat." The American roughly commanded as he pushed the bowl back to Scout. Pyro was humming again at that point, and Sniper was casually reading the paper, studiously ignoring the exchange.

"What if I don't want to?" Scout asked belligerently, despite the fact that they did this every morning.

"Then I'm going to make you eat the whole _bowl!_ Maybe even TWO!" Soldier began to reach for it, and that's when Scout finally gave in, cracking earlier than usual,

"Fine! I'll eat your crap!"

Soldier's manic grin was back.

By the time Heavy showed up, Scout had made his way through about half of the bowl, Soldier breathing down his neck the entire time. Heavy didn't comment, staying as silent as Sniper had remained throughout the entire ordeal. The Aussie had finished the paper a little while earlier and left, going to ... wherever he went in his free time.

Heavy just quietly made himself a Sanvitch, then sat down to eat it methodically across from the three Offense. He didn't comment as Soldier pushed Scout through the rest of his disgusting gruel, only making large Russian grunts of happiness after a few very satisfying bites. Scout was distinctly offended by those sounds, but he was too busy gagging to comment on it.

"All right, maggot!" Soldier grinned, "Wash that bowl and get ready to get _ready._ "

"Dat don't even make sense, dummy!" Scout growled as he stood up, crossing the small kitchen to wash the bowl. Engineer arrived right then, his mood annoyingly cheerful.

"Good mornin' all!" The Texan went straight for the stove, reaching for the frying pan as he said a favorite phrase of his, "Hoooo-wheee! Makin' bacon!"

"Couldn'tcha have come down a little earlier?" Scout grumbled as he dried the bowl. Soldier just cackled from his place by the door,

"Okay ladies! Jump up, get in gear! It's time to work!"

"Huddah huddah hu!" Pyro cheered, followed by a muffled laugh.

"Yeah, hooray." Scout followed the Pyromaniac out just as the smell of bacon overtook the room.

Training was just one of the many things that Scout hated about Soldier. The man was a Nazi when it came to rules, and there were a lot of those in training. Scout would never dare say that though, since he'd likely meet a one man firing squad IMMIDIATELY after a ridiculously hammed up lecture on WWII. Today was worse than usual though, with Soldier truly cracking down, shouting that they had to be ready to meet the BLUs.

Scout regretted it moments later, but his mouth left his brain out of the speaking process once again, running with his feet, "If you're worried about not beatin' 'em, 'cause you're old an' stupid, den dat's your problem. Why do you have ta make us suffa for it?"

"Suffer?" Soldier stopped so fast that Scout nearly plowed into his back, "You think that 10 miles is suffering?" Scout opened his mouth to reply, but never got the chance, as Soldier cut him off at the same time that Pyro slammed into his back, "Son, you don't know the _meaning_ of suffering!" Soldier's voice was low and harsh, which was far scarier than when he shouted, "If those BLUs start killing us today because we weren't ready, then you'll know the meaning of regret!"

"Dey're new! How the heck are dey gonna be betta den us if we have so much more experience?"

"Mphhu thph buu phuu aphuu uphu dphu uu." Pyro said. Soldier nodded, fixing Scout with a look that he couldn't see,

"The creepy old lady only said she trashed the BLUs. She never said when she made the other ones." The large American's voice rose then, "So we will have to train as though they are better than us! That way, we will be ready for ANYTHING!" He began to jog again before Scout really had time to think that over, and Pyro followed behind him, huffing quietly through his mask. Soldier had actually said something smart, and it was moments like these when Scout really questioned just how much he knew about his teammates. Finally, the Bostonian shrugged, irritated, and began to jog while he muttered,

"Yeah, well I bet da rest of da team is just sittin' around doin' nothing while we're out here runnin'."

An hour later, covered in sweat, the Offense team made it back to the base. It was 7:00 now, and Scout didn't have to wait to hear the gunshot that had Sniper making his way past them to the Support room. There was no more bacon, though the smell lingered, making Scout's poor stomach begin to rumble as it attempted to digest the fragrant air. Or maybe it was just reacting to whatever he'd inflicted on it when he'd eaten earlier.

"Okay ladies, go shower, get ready for the big battle. Be down here at 0800 sharp." Soldier snapped off a salute before going off to clean up himself. Scout let out a sigh as Pyro left as well, leaving him alone in the kitchen. Free time. During the week, it was hard to come by, so he'd learned to appreciate it whenever he managed by some miracle to get some.

He sat down at the table, enjoying the silence and the emptiness of the room. Heavy had disappeared with Engie, so he was well and truly alone, his only companion being Pyro's coloring book. Sure, he talked a lot, but with a life so full of sound like his was, silence was wonderful every once in a while. Not lonely, but peaceful, and being a mercenary, peace was almost a myth.

And it was certainly short lived, as Sniper came back down the stairs, his footsteps quiet, but his overall atmosphere invading the peace with the feeling of danger. Scout often wondered if the Australian knew how intimidating he came across. They were killers, but for some reason, Scout just wasn't intimidating. Everyone else on the team could be, but for Sniper, it seemed to just be a character trait.

The Australian just walked past him, not looking at him or commenting on what he was doing, but leaving him once more in the silence.

This time it lasted much longer, giving Scout more time to think about the new BLUs, which he'd avoided doing ever since he'd found out that the Administrator had killed them all. He still felt sick to his stomach when he thought about that. He considered carefully how different they could be, hoping that Soldier's suggestion wasn't true. The insinuation that perhaps the new BLUs had been training for a while, and now they were ready to fight. Scout frowned as his mind was pulled back to the present when Pyro walked in, meaning that he could now take a second shower.

He'd told Soldier that two showers a day was ridiculous when the man had first told them to do it. As he got up to do it, he smiled ruefully at how well that refusal had gone. In other words, it hadn't.

The shower wasn't necessarily peace like he'd found in the kitchen, but it was still calming, and not as rushed this time since he wasn't just waking himself up like before. It gave him even more time to think, and he wondered just what exactly Miss Pauling thought of killing off the whole BLU team. He hoped that she was just as disgusted as he was. Then again, she may have been the one that did it. With that thought, he ended the shower, getting dressed in his uniform. Scout grabbed his bat, his pistol and his scattergun on his way back to the kitchen.

That ended the calm.

It was about 7:40 when he walked in, and Medic was up, cooking potato pancakes while Spy smoked coolly at the table. Engineer and Heavy weren't there of course, the incoherent shouting coming from the Defense room explaining where they were well enough. Pyro was coloring again while Soldier had obviously just finished his extra training, marching past them to take his own second shower.

"Still wasting water, I take it?" Spy remarked as soon as the man was gone, leaving Scout to answer.

"He thinks that being double clean gives us one up out dere, an' he won't take no for an answer."

Medic shook his head as he brought the pancakes to the table, setting down a plate for Scout and Spy before getting himself a serving. At both of their 'I-don't-need-your-help-getting-food-not-that-I-get-hungry-anyway-'cause-I'm-a-man' looks the German shrugged, "I made too many."

"Fine den, I'll eat it, 'cause my ma always taught me not ta waste food."

"But wasting water is just fine." Spy smirked.

"Shaddup, Spy." Scout snarled as he took his first bite. It wasn't bacon, and it wasn't a sugary American pancake, but it was a million times better than what Soldier had made.

"It tastes good?" Medic prodded.

"Oui." Spy nodded, "But next time, you should be careful how much you make."

"Yeah." Scout nodded, but before he could finish, a groan cut him off,

"Ooooh ... me head ..."

"Heavy warned leetle Demo last night to stop with the drinking ..." Heavy came down the stairs first, one of Demoman's arms over his shoulder while the other arm hooked over Engineer who grunted his affirmation,

"Y'all knew the consequences, so y'only have yerself ta blame."

"Aye, but kin ye tell the light tae have mercy?"

Heavy and Engineer deposited the hungover Scot in the chair next to Scout, much to his displeasure, and Medic gave him a cup of water, "Drink zhat, mein freund. You vill feel better."

"Ach, no." Demo pushed it away and massaged his temples, eyes closed, "It'll only come straight back up."

"Nein." Medic shook his head, "It vill help settle your stomach, und get you back to normal. Vould you prefer it if I made tea?"

"Tha's worse." Demo met Medic's admonishing look with his bloodshot eye, "Don't ye know tha' the best thin' for a headache is quiet an' sleep?"

"Both things that are practically impossible to get when one is a paid demolitions expert on a team of mercenaries." Spy commented just as Soldier clomped in, his voice as soft as usual,

"Listen up, MAGGOTS!"

"Och!" Demo ducked his head in pain as Spy smirked, having made his point.

"Today we are facing an adversary that we have never met before, and therefore don't know what to expect! SO! I suggest you ladies GET IT IN GEAR! We don't have time for you to chat about the weather and coddle trash that should have THOUGHT AHEAD BEFORE DRAINING AN ENTIRE BOX OF SCOTCH!" Demo's moans were drowned out almost completely by by the American, who was marching back and forth as he continued, "If we plan on being the winners today, we have to start on the TOP!"

Sniper slunk in right about then, and Scout was about to be annoyed that he'd gotten away with it when Soldier suddenly rounded on the Australian, "We don't have the luxury of being separate people today! We don't get to do our own thing today! TODAY, we are a TEAM!"

"Soldier, if I may," Spy interrupted, "Why are you so worried about this new team? They will likely only be us again, and it's not as though we weren't able to beat the last BLU team with a little practice, so I don't see-"

"When DID you practice?" Soldier growled, "The only training that ever happened today happened because of me! The rest of you went and PLAYED like children with your toys!"

"Now, that's not fair, Sol." Engineer frowned, "Y'all know we get ready for the battle, same as you."

"By waking up late and telling everyone ta shut up?" Scout's mouth had gone and done it again, his eyes on Demo.

"All right, I will concede." Spy lit a cigarette, and he drew in a long breath before he finished, "Perhaps we have grown idle. But we have been beating the BLU team consecutively for quite a while now, notwithstanding our bad habits."

"Aye, sometimes I thin' kin shoot a man even better when I'm drunk." Demo managed to defend his honor with a wince.

"And if we only DEPENDED on you _sometimes_ , then your SISSY, DRUNK SHOTS IN THE DARK WOULD BE-"

"OCH, WHO'RE YOU TAE CALL ME A SISSY, YE YELLOW BUCKET-HEADED-"

 **"SILENCE!"** Heavy's voice cracked as it rose above the argument, but after that, the only sound came from Pyro's ever present scribbling as he listened with a cocked head.

"Soldier, what'n the heck're you so dern worried about? 'S a new team of BLUs, an' I don't see 'em as muchuva threat. We've been killin' as a team fer years now. What makes you think that they're gonna be better'n us?" Engineer had a quiet, serious tone, but Soldier seemed to still be cowed from the earlier order.

"Well, da Administrator told us dat she killed da old BLUs, but she nevah did say when she made da new ones." Scout ventured, repeating what Soldier had said earlier. The meaning hit them all immediately, and the Bostonian watched as the color drained from several faces,

"The Administrator migh' 'ave planned the whole bloody thing?" Sniper was the first one to speak, followed swiftly by Medic,

"... Zhey could have been training zhis entire time ..."

"New BLUs could hev olso vatched us fight." Heavy added.

Engineer looked up at the broken cameras that would usually be the Administrator's ears, "I think she's been plannin' this for awhile."

"I agree." Spy came forward just far enough for his cigarette smoke to billow into the light, "But zhey would not 'ave even 'ad to be watching us, as I know for a fact that the Administrator 'as recordings and tapes."

"So, what do we do?" Scout was getting nervous at how they were talking, at the finality of their tones.

"Whelp, looks like we gotta up our game."

"TRAIN!" Soldier cheered.

"Zhis could very vell be a test for us," Medic agreed, "One zhat ve cannot fail."

"Why? What'll happen if we fail?" Scout dared to ask.

"The same thing zhat 'appened to zhe BLUs." Spy's eyes were in shadow, gleaming just a little as the finality of his words sank in. Then Pyro finally put in his two cents,

"Dphhh tphu thuphluuu!" He held up a crudely drawn picture of a blue spy burning.

Scout suddenly sympathized with Demo.

* * *

 **That's all folks. For now, anyway. I just wanted to prove that I hadn't abandoned this fic, cuz that's rude, ... to abandon a fic, ya'know?**

 **Also, I know that after all that jazz about me wanting to stay in character and everything, my interpretation of them may seem a little OOC, but I promise that that's only my take on them. I personally like to believe that there's more to pretty much everyone than they show to other people, and such it is with this fic, ... I hope they're not too terrible.**

 **I know the ending pretty much sucks, but college starts soon, and the beginning day is my deadline, so I knew I had to get this done before then.**

 **If you see any discrepancies, let me know and I will attempt to fix them, promise. But now that you've seen how often I update, ... I'm sorry. Still review. I will respond, and quickly, since I get little e-mails that make my phone sing a happy little song. I like that song. I like reviews. I would like those things to go together.**

 **Anyway, again, I'm sorry for the wait and how disappointing the chapter is, but I promise some action next time. And in response to Capricorn the Mediocre, I have been thinking and working on a plot and I hope it will happen.**

 **Oh, and just to warn you all ... I'm pretty sure that this is going to become an AU (who am I kidding, it's already an AU) so ... just so you know.**

 **Kay, that's it. That's all. Thank you for sticking with me, friends and readers, and the more responses I get to this, the more likely and motivated I will be to update sooner. :) Bye y'all.**


	3. NOTICE

**THIS IS A NOTICE:**

 **So, If you look at my profile (I know it's long, but just scroll to the bottom), you'll see that I've left on a trip. This story will be on Hiatus until the end of said trip, and then I will finish it. I'll be getting back in the late fall of 2018, so until then, you can keep rereading what I've written, read someone else's undoubtably better material, or check out some of my other fandoms and favorites. I WILL be back, and I WILL finish my stories, barring my death (let's hope it doesn't come to that). So don't worry that I'll become one of those authors, since I never will, cuz I hate the never ended story worse than anyone else.**

 **I did take handwriting materials with me on my trip, so the updates will probably (I use the term loosely) be fairly generous when I return. Until then, enjoy what's up, and if you dare, you could even look through my list of fandoms and expand your own horizons. I mean, … if you like one of them … who's to say that you won't like them all?**

 **Thank you for all of your wonderful devotion and likes everyone, and I'm sorry that this isn't a chapter. I'll make up for it. I promise.**

 **THANK YOU FOR NOTICING.**

 **C Y'all**

 **-Al**


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